Hopes, dreams, aspirations

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I hope, first most, to be happy. I have spent many days and night wondering why I am so unhappy. I don't know if it is the fact that I wanted so much for my life when I was young? I know I had high expectations for myself. I wanted to make a difference. In society and in life itself....I know I have purpose now and that is to raise my son. Yet, I still feel like I do a crappy job at that sometimes. I want to write a book someday to include all my experiences in life. I say this because if I told you what I have experienced in my short 26 years on this planet, you probably wouldn't begin to believe me. A wise woman once said "you have bipolar, bipolar does not have you." I like that. I think mostly because I have been living the opposite. I have always been doubting myself when it comes to what I am capable of or making excuses saying the bipolar in me caused that. When in reality, I am the one who makes my choices in life, not the bipolar self. Only God and I can control what happens in my life. Maybe that is why I am so unhappy. When God tells me in my heart to do something, somehow I seem to do the opposite or ignore the obvious "right thing to do" I make mistakes and sin like every person in the world today. I just don't always see I am making them before it is too late. I have made numerous mistakes. Such as choosing Verizon for my home phone carrier...LOL....among many others....hehehe. I love my life but the question I have to ask myself is why am I so dang unhappy. I probably set my standards too high I suppose. I guess life isn't perfect for anyone. Everyone is life has struggles. Otherwise it wouldn't be called life at all. My dreams include becoming a "somebody". By that I mean someone who people can look to when they need a helping hand. Someone who makes a difference in not only my own life, but others as well. It hurts me to think I have hurt others. I absolutely despise that part of my life. I hate knowing that my actions causes pain to others. As for aspirations, I want to write more. I know I have some talent. It might just be my spiritual gift I have been searching for. Who knows? Only time will tell, I suppose.

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